Abounding in Holy Love • 09.14.25

Frasier Dew   -   September 14, 2025

1. Are you abounding in marital love or sinful lust?
2. Are you abounding in brotherly love or selfish meddling and laziness?

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Introduce Self

Warning to parents that we’re going to talk quite a bit about sexual topics today

Dismiss 4th & 5th Graders

Invite ushers forward with Bibles

When you get your Bible ready, please turn to 1 Thessalonians for our time in God’s word. We’re going to read from chapter 4 this morning. If you are using one of the black Bibles handed out, that is page 1176.

Before we read chapter 4, though, I want to revisit some earlier parts in the letter to help us understand the context of our passage. As we’ve gone through this epistle, one of the main things that has been abundantly clear is just how much Paul loves these fellow Christians in Thessalonica!

For instance, we can hear Paul’s love for these believers when he says in

1 Thessalonians 2:7–8 ESV

⁷ But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. ⁸ So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.

This is the kind of loving care that we’ve come to associate with their relationship during our study these past few weeks.

It’s important for us to remember this theme of love when we come to chapter 4, because if we disconnect the chapters from each other, this one can easily sound like the tone has changed a little bit. If we forget this overarching love, we might think that maybe Paul is done with gentle concepts (such as love) and now has moved on to colder concepts (commands and instructions).

But I want you to notice Paul’s prayer at the end of chapter 3, which directly leads into today’s passage: Paul prays:

1 Thessalonians 3:12–13 ESV

¹² and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you, ¹³ so that he may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his saints.

Notice that there is a necessary connection between abounding in love and growing in holiness. When God increases our love – both our love for Him, and for our neighbors – He will do so in connection with holy living that obeys His commandments.

So when it seems like Paul shifts His emphasis in chapter 4 from gospel realities to gospel commands, it is still with the hope that all of us who read this letter would then increase and abound in a holy love! It’s not that Paul isn’t loving them like a parent anymore, like he said before, it’s just that in this chapter, his love sounds more like what he describes in

1 Thessalonians 2:11–12 ESV

¹¹ For you know how, like a father with his children, ¹² we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.

Fatherly love, that’s the side of Paul we have the privilege of learning from today. So let’s take full advantage of the exhortations of this spiritual “father” as we ‘consider how we can please God in our closest relationships.’

Let’s go ahead and read the first 3 verses:

1 Thessalonians 4:1–3 ESV

¹ Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. ² For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. ³ For this is the will of God, your sanctification…

We’re going to pause there. Look back at this for just a second, Paul calls us to increase (“do so more and more”) in walking how we ought and pleasing God. I know it’s easy for us to jump past these opening sentences a lot of times, but we need to slow down and see that this “walking” – this living a holy life – is based upon a heart desire of wanting to please God. Of course, this can only be done by those who know God and love Him.

The terrible alternative is to ‘displease God’, just like the unbelieving Jews Paul spoke about in 1 Thessalonians 2:15 “15 who killed both the Lord Jesus and the prophets, and drove us out, and displease God and oppose all mankind”

That’s really your only two options! Those who know and love Jesus Christ must live to please Him in every category of our lives. Those who oppose and hate Jesus Christ, naturally displease god in every category of their lives. Yikes, I know which group I want to belong to! And I hope you guys do too!

Fortunately, Paul already knew the faith of his audience, so his tone is not one of sharp rebuke, but one of encouragement to continue living for God – “just as you are doing, that you do so more and more.”

This is the same kind of encouragement and hope that I have for you all. I know just about all of you, and I know how much you love the Lord. So please God, “just as you are doing… do so more and more.”

Now, in order for us to please God, we need to know His will. This is what Paul lays out in verses 2-3a.

The will of God is your sanctification. Which in simplest terms means:

“being made holy, or purified”

Walter A. Elwell and Barry J. Beitzel, “Sanctification,” in Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1988), 1898.

God’s will is that you be made actually holy in your day-to-day life, just as God is holy. Christians are to be pure, we’re to be noticeably set apart and different than the rest of the world.

And Paul reminds the Thessalonians about specific instructions for sanctification – He says, “instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus.” – so they’ve already heard this once, but he spends the rest of the section reminding them, because, obviously, these categories of life warrant the reminder.

• 1 Thes 4:3-8 – A holy love regarding sex and marriage
• 1 Thes 4:9-12 – A holy love regarding fellow saints

These instructions are vital for living out sanctified, biblical Christianity. So let’s get into them. Join me in reading verses 3-8 now, as we continue to ‘consider how we can please God in our closest relationships’:

1 Thessalonians 4:3–8 ESV

³ For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; ⁴ that each one of you know how to acquire his own wife in holiness and honor, ⁵ not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; ⁶ that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. ⁷ For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. ⁸ Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.

Now, hopefully, as we read that portion of our passage, you had at least one of the same questions come to mind that I did.

1. Why did you read verse 4 as “acquire his own wife in holiness and honor,” rather than what the ESV says: “control his own body in holiness and honor,”?
2. Why does Paul emphasize sexual conduct so much here?

Let’s start with the first question: Why did we read verse 4 as “acquire his own wife in holiness and honor,”?

First: Advocates of either translation acknowledge the possibility of the other translation. That is to say, both teachings would accurately represent the Bible’s instructions for Christians on how to abstain from sexual sin. Marriage and self-control are both mentioned in various passages. For example:

1 Corinthians 7:2–5 ESV

² But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. … so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

So certainly both things are involved. Both marriage and self-control are gifts from God to combat sexual immorality. Both translations, then, are theologically accurate, because the Bible affirms that teaching elsewhere. But which teaching is Paul saying here?

Well, I did as much studying as I could about this, and I ultimately found John Stott’s commentary to be the most consistent handling of the linguistic elements of the translation.

• Especially of the verb ktasthai, which, to keep things simple, always has to do with acquiring or gaining possession of something or someone.
• Trust me, we’re not going to get into the weeds of the Greek today, but to sum up the main argument, this verb simply never means “to control.” It doesn’t mean that anywhere else in the Bible.
• On the contrary, it is used many times in Greek-Jewish writings from this time period talking about acquiring a wife – and the Bible uses it this way consistently as well, such as in Ruth 4:10, where Boaz says, “10 Also Ruth the Moabite, the widow of Mahlon, I have bought (acquired) to be my wife,”

So it seems that it is most consistent across the Bible and from a language perspective to understand verse 4 as saying “that each one of you know how to acquire his own wife in holiness and honor,”

And if you are one of the few who would like to dig into that Greek study, I’ve included some of John Stott’s commentary notes in the online sermon page for this sermon – which should be online later today or tomorrow.

Stott’s Notes Start Here

“The first half of verse 4 contains the most difficult phrase in the whole letter. Literally translated, it reads that ‘each of you should learn to acquire his own vessel in holiness and honour’. Throughout church history commentators have been divided as to whether the ‘vessel’ in mind (skeuos) is a metaphor for ‘wife’ or for ‘body’. If the former is correct, Paul is urging each Thessalonian believer ‘to take a wife for himself’ (rsv); if the latter is right, he is ‘to gain mastery over his body’ (reb), or control his own body. There are difficulties with both renderings.

The difficulty with the translation ‘take a wife’ lies in the noun. For skeuos means a vessel, utensil, instrument or container, which appears to express a very derogatory concept of woman in general and of marriage in particular. Reference to woman as a ‘container’ seems in later Judaism to have been an established (and demeaning) euphemism for sexual intercourse. It is mainly for this reason that some scholars have preferred to see an allusion to the body, even though no parallel use of skeuos for ‘body’ has been found, and to regard the body as the ‘container’ of the soul is Greek not biblical.

The difficulty with the translation ‘control his body’ lies in the verb. For ktaomai normally means to ‘procure for oneself, acquire, get’ (BAGD); so it cannot appropriately be applied to our body since we already possess one, whereas it was used in lxx of acquiring a wife. George Milligan suggests from the papyri that ktaomai was beginning to be used in popular language for to ‘possess’ or ‘take possession’, in the sense of to ‘use properly’ or ‘control’, but the evidence is slender.

In this exposition, along with ‘the great majority of modern commentators’, I am accepting that the reference is to acquiring a wife and that Paul is affirming heterosexual marriage as the only God-given context for sexual intercourse. There are three main arguments. The first concerns language. This interpretation preserves the usual meaning of ktaomai (‘acquire’), and recognizes that skeuos (‘vessel’) is used metaphorically in the New Testament of human beings and once of a wife.²³ It occurs more often in pre-Christian Jewish texts in reference to a wife, as also does its Hebrew equivalent.

The second argument relates to context. Since Paul’s instruction is the positive counterpart to avoiding porneia, which usually means ‘fornication’ or ‘adultery’, the natural allusion is to marriage. Again, the contrast in Paul’s phrase ‘in holiness and honour, not in passionate lust’ can readily be understood as presenting alternative views of marriage; they can hardly be seen as alternative styles of self-control. Further, by his emphasis on what is ‘holy and honourable’ Paul seems deliberately to be purging skeuos of any dishonourable associations. Some commentators therefore suggest that eidenai in verse 4 should be translated not ‘should learn …’ but ‘should respect his wife’ as in 5:12.

The third argument relates to the analogy of Scripture. What Paul writes here is an early, embryonic statement of the more developed position which he expressed a few years later in 1 Corinthians 7: ‘Since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband … for it is better to marry than to burn with passion’ (verses 2–9). Marriage is thus portrayed in Scripture both as a creation ordinance, intended for companionship and procreation, and also since the fall as a divine remedy against sin.”

John R. W. Stott, The Message of Thessalonians: The Gospel & the End of Time, The Bible Speaks Today (Leicester, England; Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1994), 82–84.

Stott’s Notes End Here

But for now, we will proceed with verse 4 as “that each one of you know how to acquire his own wife in holiness and honor,”

The second question we should consider about this passage is:

Why does Paul emphasize sexual conduct so much right here? He says in verse 3 that God’s will is your sanctification, and then immediately applies that sexually. Why?

• First: Sexual Immorality Is Destructive
• I hardly need to convince most of you of this, but experientially, no category of sinfulness will degrade and destroy quite like sexual sin will.
• It is destructive against others by dehumanizing them and turning them into sex objects for your own use.
• It is destructive to relationships because it abuses people and betrays people’s trust and vulnerability.
• It is destructive to the glory of God as it degrades the image of God that is in each person – and even degrades the very temple of God if the person is a Christian!
• And it is destructive even to yourself because it is sinning against your own body.
• Just as Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 6:18 “18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
• As we see from passages like Romans 1, sexual immorality will darken your heart, warp your thinking, devolve your passions, and twist your understanding of identity to the point that your sexual sin becomes the core of your identity – it will become the very center of your worship! (Romans 1:18-32)
• This is dangerous! We need to be aware of the destructive power of sexual immorality! And just personally, I can tell you that sexual sin has broken my heart and wounded my conscience more than any other category of sin could perhaps ever do. Nothing has brought more pain, more tears, more mourning, or more sorrow into my life than the sexual sins which I have committed, or that others have committed against me.
• And if I could spare you, I would do anything I could to convince you not to walk into that destruction and pain, brothers and sisters. And I’m not sure exactly what Paul’s personal experiences were, but I think the same protective instinct is part of his reason for writing this passage. To warn fellow Christians to flee from the destructive power of sexual immorality.
• That’s the first reason Paul spends so much time addressing sexual sanctification. But then, secondly, Paul is also aware of the reality that this destructive sexual immorality is virtually everywhere.
• Sexual Immorality Surrounds Us
• In Thessalonica, Christians were very much the minority. Most of the city engaged in all kinds of sexual sin. This included:
• Sexual acts that played a part in their worship of false gods (Cabiri & Aphrodite worship)
• Prostitution, sex slaves, concubines, incest, adultery, pornography, homosexuality – just overall sexual immorality
• And remember that Paul is speaking to them in his fatherly love, which means that he is in protector mode – he’s ready to defend! He recognizes that even for a Christian, someone who is trying to live a holy life, this is such a dangerous environment to live in!
• Not too much has really changed if we look at our own time, has it?
• While some of these forms of immorality may have fizzled out in prevalence over time- we, today, are still plagued with rampant homosexuality, sex-trafficking, pornography, adultery, prostitution, hook-up culture, rape, and just an overall worship of sex – as if nothing in life were more important!
• No, not much has changed at all. And Paul was worried for the Thessalonians just as I am worried for you – I’m worried for me! This is a constant barrage of sexual sin around us, and in our own flesh, it is far too easy to just act like the rest of the world in following our temptations!
• But Christian’s are called to be sanctified and to abstain from the sexual immorality flooding the world around them.

So, as we are ‘considering how we can please God in our closest relationships’, we need to ask the question:

1.     Are you abounding in marital love or sinful lust?

Now, for my single friends, don’t hear marital love and check out! Trust me, I haven’t forgotten about you! These are important instructions for ALL of us.

So please, look with me again at verses 4-8. We find here two critical realities about sex:

1. Sex has a God-given context: heterosexual monogamous marriage (4a)
2. Sex has a God-given style: holiness and honor (4b-7)

Let’s look at the first one:

• Sex has a God-given context: heterosexual monogamous marriage (4a)

1 Thessalonians 4:4 “4 that each one of you know how to acquire his own wife…”

Now, we’ve already seen a very similar passage in 1 Corinthians 7, where Paul gives virtually the same exact instructions, and we hear about heterosexual monogamous marriage all over the epistles, so we know that this is the expectation in the New Testament era. But one thing that needs to be highlighted, circled, and underlined is that this heterosexual monogamous marriage has always been God’s design for mankind. Even from before the fall into sin, we see that God designed one man to be in a marriage relationship with one woman. We see this in:

Genesis 2:22–25 ESV

²² And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. ²³ Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” ²⁴ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. ²⁵ And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

See here then, that in the Garden, before there was any trace of sin in humanity, God ordained sex to be enjoyed between one husband and one wife – and that’s it.

This has always been the only God-given context of sex: heterosexual monogamous marriage.

Now, the applications of Paul’s logic up to this point should be fairly straightforward, but let’s go ahead and think through some of them:

• If you are tempted to any kind of sexual immorality, whether you’re tempted to pornography, which is far too common in our day, or whether you’re temptation is homosexuality, which is literally paraded in our day, or if for you, it’s sexual promiscuity and trying to attract or even “hook up” with as many people as possible – This passage says that Christians are the sanctified people who must abstain from such things!
• And in order to help you abstain from that sin, Paul says you should know how to acquire your own wife (or a husband for the ladies).
• This especially applies to teens and younger adults, who have yet to be married, but certainly face temptations. Don’t listen to the rest of the world on this issue. They’ll essentially say, “Oh, it’s okay to think lustful thoughts or say sexual comments!” Then, when you get a little older, they’ll lead you to think, “What’s it matter if you develop a ‘body count’ (of sexual partners) right now- at least you’ll have some fun and enjoy your youth!”
• Meanwhile, what the world won’t tell you is how much damage you are doing against the other person, not to mention against your own soul, against your future spouse, and how much insult you are giving to God – as if He hasn’t told you how to escape sexual temptation. Even just the fact that you’re hearing this sermon today means that you have directly heard God’s instructions on this topic. Sin always promises to satisfy, and then fails to do so!
• Instead, each one of you should know how to acquire his own wife (and vice versa). That means that if you aren’t mature enough yet for a lifelong, heterosexual, monogamous marriage, then you still need to learn how to mature – and that’s not even necessarily a critique of your current maturity, it’s just that you have time right now to grow in Christ. You can learn how to be ready for a spouse in due time.
• Parents, this is directly part of our training responsibility for our kids as they start to get older and wrestle with these temptations. Help them see God’s plan, and make strategies for following it. And I’m not saying that those conversations may not feel awkward, in fact, I’m sure they will be! But I’d argue it’s worth the awkwardness to then see young Christians discipled to a biblical understanding of sex existing within the God-given context of a heterosexual monogamous marriage.

So that’s the takeaway from the first part of verse 4, but honestly, if we stopped there, it would actually leave the door open for still some very sinful, sexually immoral marriages. That’s why Paul tells us in verses 4b-7, that…

• Sex has a God-given style: holiness and honor (4b-7)

1 Thessalonians 4:4–7 “4 that each one of you know how to acquire his own wife in holiness and honor, 5 not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. 7 For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.”

It seems that Paul is explaining the style of Christian marriage in two different ways. He first addresses what holiness and honor look like inside of a marriage, and then he discusses what it looks like outside of your marriage.

What does holiness and honor look like inside your own marriage? (4b-5)

First, it must be noted that holiness and honor DO NOT look just like the lust of unbelievers. Commentator John Stott notes that:

• “The fact that marriage is the only God-given context for sexual intercourse does not mean that within marriage there is no need for restraint. We have all heard or read about, and some have experienced, the selfish sexual demands which are sometimes made by one married partner on the other, in terms of aggression, violence, cruelty and even rape. But marriage is not a form of legalized lust.”
• John R. W. Stott, The Message of Thessalonians: The Gospel & the End of Time, The Bible Speaks Today (Leicester, England; Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1994), 85.

Now, again, Paul was not yelling at the Thessalonians or correcting some well-known offense, but yet this is such an important teaching that he brings to us. We must come to our spouses in holiness and honor.

This is a call especially to us men: God says you must honor your wife as the weaker vessel!

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

⁷ Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

And I so badly pray that this is an unnecessary portion of my sermon, but it’s worth reiterating even if just one person needs to hear it.

• Just because we are in a God-given heterosexual monogamous marriage, does not mean that anyone has the right to sexually manipulate, coerce, use, or abuse their spouse.

Instead, Christian men are to show their wives honor by loving her as Christ loved His bride – the church

Ephesians 5:25–31 ESV

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of his body. ³¹ “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Think about just how high of a standard that is! Christ gave every ounce of Himself for His bride. He laid down His very life so that she would be taken care of – so that she could be holy. Jesus set aside any of His own temptations to go to the cross and sanctify His bride.

Now, I don’t know about you men, but I’ve never resisted my temptations to the point of crucifixion, have you? But sometimes we act like it would be a great cross to bear if we can’t have sex whenever and however we want to.

But trust me, Jesus endured far greater temptations and suffering than the amount of “suffering” it takes to put aside our own desires, and instead nourish and cherish our wife.

And I know I’m mostly speaking to the men there, but this does go both ways! Ladies, you need to honor respect your husbands in this way too!

• So if your spouse doesn’t want to have sex at the exact moment you do, you’re called to honor your spouse by honoring their wishes.
• If your spouse refuses some sexual act that you have some big idea of and want to do, no – you’re called to protect each other’s holiness and abstain from it. Because, if nothing else, it would be sin for them to do it and to go against their conscience.

I’m sure we could go on with various negative examples, but the point is that we must obey and enjoy God’s designed style for marriage and sex: which is “in holiness and honor”.

So in holiness and honor, Christians are called to imitate Christ’s love through

• Tenderness
• Mutual enjoyment
• Waiting for the right time
• Developing and honoring trust
• Single-minded devotion

That’s what Christian marriages have the privilege of looking like. Even in the marriage bed, we imitate Christ, and we make it our aim to please God in our closest relationships.

But what does all this look like outside your own marriage?

That’s what Paul addresses next in verses 6-7:

It’s a lot simpler to state what sex looks like outside of your marriage:

• Do not invite or entertain sexualizing attention from anyone other than your spouse (7th Commandment)
• Do not commit adultery (physically or mentally) against your own spouse and wrong him/her (7th Commandment)
• Do not covet or commit adultery with someone else’s spouse and wrong that brother (7th & 10th Commandment)

And then Paul gives a pretty strong warning in verse 6 to drive the point home:

• “the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.”
• No, God is not a Marvel Superhero. What this means is that God never looks lightly on sin – even if you think an adulterous thought – you might not think it’s a big deal, but God does! And if you are not in Christ, you are never sanctified, and you continue to act like those who do not know God, then God will avenge that sin at your own expense. What a solemn warning indeed!

So, instead of adulterous behavior, Christians are called to abound in a holy love – reserved only for their spouse. Again, this is how Jesus operates. Jesus has eyes for only one woman – His bride, the church. And if we have been recipients of such a devoted love, surely we can reflect such devotion to our spouse as well.

And then Paul closes the section in verse 8 by reiterating the divine origin and God-pleasing emphasis of abounding in holy marital love rather than sinful lust. As a preacher, I love this verse! Especially as I can easily wrestle with fear of man on what to say in a sermon like this. Because it can be nerve-wracking, can’t it? The world has tried to convince Christians that these beliefs are harsh, hateful, and narrow-minded views held only by bigots.

And the world has proven over and over again – even just this week – that they will try to cancel, threaten, or even kill Christians who stand for and proclaim God’s design.

But verse 8 comforts us, it comforts me at least, as it reminds us “8 Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”

They disregard God, why would we be surprised if they disregard us? Yes, we boldly stand for truth, but let us not get caught up in the arguments and tangled in the opinions of the world. Instead, we look to the God we love in Christ, we see what He tells us, and then we make it our aim to please Him.

We can make this whole topic really simple:

• If you love the Lord, you should love the Lord’s design for creation. (Gen 2)
• If you love God’s design for creation, that includes His design for marriage and sex.
• Therefore, you should abound in biblically defined, holy, honorable love for your spouse.

This is how we walk as we ought and please God, even/especially in our sexual conduct.

Now I would be remiss if I did not give a specific application for those of you who are single, particularly for those of you who may be single for a long time, maybe even your entire life. I told you I haven’t forgotten about you! I don’t want you to leave here today and think, “Well, most of the sermon was about marriage, so I guess those verses don’t apply to me.” Let me give you a particular takeaway:

• God’s revealed will for your sanctification in this area of life is still clear in 1 Thessalonians 4:3 “3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality;”

Now, the outworking of that abstaining may not involve the physical defense of a marriage, but you do still have the supernatural defense of your Savior and Redeemer, who calls you part of His bride. He will surely sustain you, and often, use you in extraordinary ways!

• 1 Cor 7 gives much practical wisdom on this, and we don’t have time to read the whole chapter today, but it’s worth studying. One of the things that chapter highlights is that marriage is not the end-all, be-all for every person. Some people are gifted with extended seasons of singleness so that they can spend more of their time focused on the things of God and enjoying Him.
• Just like Paul himself, or I even think of the prophetess, Anna, who spent most of her life as a widow serving God, and even had the privilege of seeing Jesus as an infant.
• Now I can say with infinite confidence that you won’t get to hold baby Jesus, but God certainly can and often does have special ministry plans suited best for a single person.

Ultimately, I want you to know that God is the ultimate husband who can and will perfectly satisfy you. He will take care of your need for a close, intimate, loving, and nourishing relationship.

And in addition to the love and intimacy you will receive from God, He has also given all of us the brotherly love and fellowship of the saints as an intimate family designed to strengthen and uphold one another.

This type of love is exactly what Paul talks about in the next part of the text.

1 Thessalonians 4:9–12 ESV

⁹ Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, ¹⁰ for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more, ¹¹ and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, ¹² so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.

So, as we continue to ‘consider how we can please God in our closest relationships’, we need to ask a second question:

2.     Are you abounding in brotherly love or selfish meddling and laziness?

Again, notice Paul’s tone in this part of the text. Especially in verses 9-10, it’s like Paul is saying, ‘Look what holy love God has created in you guys! God has taught you to love one another so well that I don’t have anything left to tell you that you don’t already know!’

He sounds so proud of his spiritual children, doesn’t he?! Again, this ties back to that mutual ministry that Pastor Nick pointed out last week. It’s important for us to realize that our Pastors are blessed and encouraged beyond measure when they see us, their flock, living in accord with God’s Word and making it our aim to please God – especially when it is in the category of brotherly love!

As you all know, we just recently completed our sermon series on the Biblical One Another commands, and this theme of loving one another naturally kept coming up as the overarching theme that drives the rest of the One Anothers! And I praise God along with our Pastors for how well you all have been taught by God to love one another so well! I’m so thankful to be part of God’s family and thankful that I get to experience this counter-cultural, holy, brotherly love with you guys.

So, by way of encouragement, I join Paul when he says at the end of verse 10: “…we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more,”

In order to spur us on to more and more brotherly love, let’s take a look at the instructions Paul shares in verses 11-12.

1 Thessalonians 4:11–12 ESV

¹¹ and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, ¹² so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.

The takeaways from this section are also rather straightforward. They basically write themselves just by dividing the text.

1. aspire to live quietly
2. mind your own affairs
3. work with your hands and be dependent on no one

Now, although we can list them as separate applications, they all do really relate to the same root problem. It seems that this is a particular application of brotherly love meant to protect the church against meddlers, busybodies, lazy men who would rather burden their fellow believers than support themselves.

Unfortunately, we see that this exact warning later turned into a problem within the Thessalonian church. We know this from the second letter to the Thessalonians, where Paul now has to be much firmer with them in saying,

2 Thessalonians 3:6 ESV

⁶ Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us.

and a few verses later,

2 Thessalonians 3:10–12 ESV

¹⁰ For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. ¹¹ For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. ¹² Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living.

Now, it’s debated exactly why these people were becoming lazy, gossiping, busybodies. But the thing that is crystal clear is that abounding in selfish meddling and laziness is not acceptable for Christians, it is not loving to your church family, and it does not reflect a heart that has been redeemed by God. It certainly isn’t aiming to please God.

That might sound harsher than you’d expect, but God’s word does not speak well of this kind of person. Proverbs highlights both dangers:

Proverbs 16:28 ESV

²⁸ A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

Proverbs 21:25 ESV

²⁵ The desire of the sluggard kills him, for his hands refuse to labor.

Peter even goes so far as to lump meddlers in with murderers, thieves, and evildoers,

1 Peter 4:15 ESV

¹⁵ But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler.

And Paul says in

1 Timothy 5:8 ESV

⁸ But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

We don’t always take these sins very seriously, but obviously, laziness and busy bodied meddling are a big deal, guys! God takes them seriously!

So it’s for this reason that Paul tries to remind and warn the Thessalonians ahead of time to:

1. aspire to live quietly
2. mind your own affairs
3. work with your hands and be dependent on no one

I think the first two are very clear, but let me make one critical clarification about this third instruction: to work with your hands and be dependent on no one.

Paul is not giving us a proof-text against financial assistance, unemployment help, or disability support. Scripture is clear that the church is to care for widows, the poor, the sick, and those who cannot provide for themselves. Far from condemning those who are unable to work, this passage actually gives the church the opportunity to reflect God’s holy love — to come alongside vulnerable brothers and sisters and carry their burdens in times of need.

There are many Christians who would gladly work if they could, but because of health, age, or uncontrollable circumstances, they simply cannot. This verse is not a condemnation of you. Paul is speaking to the heart attitude: a willingness to work, a readiness to contribute as you are able. That’s what matters.

Because when we love our brothers with a holy love, we love them like Christ does:

And it’s evident that Jesus works harder and loves us more than anyone else in all of history! Rather than taking the easy road and putting the weight of responsibility on others, Christ tells us:

Matthew 11:28–30 ESV

²⁸ Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Pastor Mark preached through this verse about 5 years ago, and in that sermon, he highlighted that the burden is light because Jesus is right there with you in the yoke – He’s the one carrying all the weight! Talk about a model of brotherly love through hard work! Jesus sees us in our struggles and takes action to provide rest for the people He loves.

And in terms of quietly minding your own affairs, Jesus gave us the perfect example of this as well by protecting people’s privacy! Think about the fact that Jesus was all-knowing – He knew EVERY detail of people’s lives, and yet didn’t feel the need to ‘spill the tea’ even once! He was so consistent at not gossiping that when He finally told the disciples that one of them would betray Him, they all had no idea which one it would be! He hadn’t gossiped even about his betrayer. And Jesus gives the same protective honor to each of us! He doesn’t go around and gossip about you and cause division, but instead, Jesus acts as our ultimate source of unity. He intercedes for your troubles and preserves your dignity!

That’s the kind of love that we have the privilege of receiving! So let’s imitate and reflect the love of Jesus! The kind of brotherly love that Christians have the unique privilege of experiencing. And it’s rooted in the same faithfulness as the marital love we just talked about, too. It is a type of love that is God-taught and fuels our mutual ministry as we walk in sanctification, and grow in holy obedience to Christ’s commandments.

By this kind of affectionate love, both holy brotherly love and holy marital love, the church will be different. We will be sanctified from the rest of the world – and will glorify God as we seek to please God in our closest relationships.

May the Lord give us grace to do so more and more. Let’s pray.